There are no lone stars in Greater Tuna

“My Tuna, oh my Tuna

The only place I know

I’ve often thought of leaving you

but don’t know where I’d go.

For Paris has no bar-b-que and

Rome just can’t compare

to a lovely Texas sunset

when the dust is in the air.”

— Charlene Bumiller

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Charlene Bumiller reads her original poem with gusto for her listening audience of the 275 watt OKKK, radio station for Tuna, Texas.

Never heard of the third smallest town in the Lone Star State, neither has anyone else. But its zany cast of characters is coming to Central Kitsap.

The Olympic Theatre Company will present Jaston Williams, Joe Sears and Ed Howard’s look at life in Greater Tuna. The play, usually played by only two people taking on 20 characters, has a cast of 12. Senior April Greeson plays both Bumiller and Leonard Childers.

The comedy, one of a trilogy, introduces audiences to fictional, yet familiar lives of extreme right-wing West Texas.

Located somewhere between San Angelo and hell, the vignettes joke about the local hangin’ judge, eight to 10 dogs under the porch and UFO’s that look like gigantic flying chalupas, without the guacamole of course.

Heidi J. Williams, a senior, plays Chad Hartford, a non-Tuna resident and newspaper reporter from Houston.

During Monday’s rehearsal at Olympic High School, Williams as Hartford interviews classmate Shayla Miles as Bertha Bumiller.

Bertha is Charlene’s mom and is a book burner who seeks to rid the town of the likes of Shakespeare.

The play Miles said gets people to poke fun at themselves and no one is perfect.

“These Texans aren’t perfect, themselves. They’re weird, freaky, have accents and they’re dumb,” Miles said.

She plays Elmer Watkins, who she likens to Elmer Fudd without the rabbit chasin’, and high school football coach Raymond Chassie, Williams also plays Di Di Snavely, owner of the town’s gun store.

Performances will be held at 7 p.m., Dec. 3-6 in the Olympic High School Forum. A special free performance will be held at 1:30 p.m. Thursday, Dec.4.

Tickets are $5 for adults and $3 for students with ASB cards. A fund raising barbecue dinner is scheduled for Friday, Dec. 5 before the show.

David Clough, the OHS drama teacher and director hopes this production will help revamp the Forum’s decor.

“The house is just not what it could be,” he said.

Clough chose “Greater Tuna” because the production gave the young actors a chance to use their acting muscle.

“Pretending to be someone I’m not is empowering,” Williams said.

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